What Hurts the Most
by arte0135
Summary: She knew that coming here would mean her death,but her life ended when she had died.And they were the ones to blame.And her heart swelled with hatred when she thought of them.JB/OC.Please give this a chance as the summary doesn't show its true potential.
1. Prologue

Prologue:

What Hurts The Most lyrics  
**Songwriters:** Steele, Jeffrey; Robson, Steve;

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though  
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(Much to say)  
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh  
Oh yeah

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(To say)  
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you  
That's what I was trying to do, ooo

* * *

A/N: When I heard this song, it became the inspiration to writing this story. I was also inspired by Twilight imprint fics, especially a certain story that involved Seth Clearwater and his rejection of his mate. I don't remember the author, but if you know who it is or if it is you, please message me so that I can give you the recognition you deserve. I wanted to apply it to Jacob as I felt that he was caught up in Bella to see who she really was and how she used him.

I'll be honest, I don't like Bella beyond the first book. She is so needy and just selfish that I just hated her character.

And Stephenie Meyers disappointed me; she followed a cliché plotline which is: good girl, who believes herself to be normal and not good looking and yet has several guys that like her, falls for gorgeous and mysterious guy, who leaves her because of some stupid reason. Girl is heartbroken and can't move on, cue another gorgeous guy that loves her and she cares for him, but she still loves gorgeous guy #1, then some shit happens and gorgeous guy comes back and girl gets back together with him after easily forgiving him, then more shit happens and she can't decide between both gorgeous guys. What will she do?

Seriously? Sorry, for my tangent, but I had to say that out loud. But, please read my new story and enjoy!


	2. Chapter 1

Warnings: some very heavy material and depressing themes.

Summary: She knew that coming here would mean her death, but she could no longer live with such hypocrisy anymore. She was gone and with her, so was her heart and her will to live. And hatred swelled in her dead heart when she thought of them. May they live in hell for the rest of eternity and wonder why she chose death.

Pairings: Regular Twilight pairings, but it ignores Breaking Dawn. This means that there is no Victoria and newborns. And no Renesme (Thank-god!I hate the final book!)

What Hurts the Most:

She stood in front of the beach and felt the wind in her hair. No doubt her scent would travel and alert the wolves of her presence. She curled her toes in the sand and felt each grain; she knew that her foot print would be erased and yet she felt the need to embed a part of herself on this beach.

She closed her eyes and wished she could cry and yet that wish was futile. But it was the one thing she wanted most; she wanted the relief of tears and knew that if she could cry, she would feel better. That she would no longer be bitter and would be able to enjoy life; she would be able to move on and stop wishing for a child of her own. She knew that she would be more carefree and would no longer be considered a bitch by her "family".

Her family, how she learned to hate them. She was an outsider in the Cullen family. Without her they would now be the perfect family they presented themselves to be and she did not care about what her death would mean for them. Let them hurt, let them burn in their hypocrisy!

She hoped that Alice would not be able to see this, so she would not be able to alert the rest of the Cullens. If they knew, they would try to prevent her from seeking what she wanted most: release from this unnatural life.

They would not understand and tell her that her human was not worth dying for, that she would forget her with time and yet they let Edward endanger them with the presence of that whore, Isabella.

Those fool, those hypocrites!

She felt her dead heart beat with hatred. She hated them, despised them. But, it was not only them that she hated, no it was him.

Him, who was such a fool and followed after that whore like a bitch. He hurt her, prevented her from having her happily ever after.

She deserved to be happy, to have the world handed on her on a silver platter, Isabella did not.

She was a nobody, whose lucky break was to have an appealing scent and unreadable mind, but beyond that she was an ordinary human.

Nothing special, unlike her.

Her human, her Katherine.

Her Katherine, who would never know grow-up to be a woman and enjoy life. She would never learn of a lover's gentle touch or feel her belly go round with child.

And she screamed and damned her vampirism for not allowing her to cry.

It was not fair; she had helped her find closure with her past, something that not even Emmett could do. She was gone and her hands clutched the box that held her ashes. Her Katherine would never smile at her, she would never watch her blue eyes sparkle with amusement.

She was gone!

She had left her behind with a gaping hole where her heart used to be. She would never hold her and smell her scent of cinnamon and vanilla. A scent that had offered her comfort as she hugged her thin body.

Although, her body had thinned due to her illness, her warmth had not dimmed and her gentle voice had never wavered. She was gone and all Rosalie wanted to do was go after her.

Her thoughts were cut short by the approach of growls. She didn't look back, but stared ahead and notice how beautiful the sunset was.

Over her long lifetime she had seen several sunsets and yet this one seemed special. And it was; the colors were a mosaic of reds, yellows, oranges and pinks. It was a fine tribute to her Katherine.

"I know that I broke the treaty by coming here and that all of you want nothing more than to tear me to pieces, but I beg you to wait. I will let you tear me apart and become nothing more than ashes. I'll let you do it because this is the only way that I can seek death. I want it. I want to die."

Her voice was clear and collected. The growls stopped.

"Is Jacob Black here? I need to speak to him. It is my one of my three dying requests." I turned and noticed all of the wolves of La Push.

"I am here alone; the Cullens know nothing of my coming here. I am here of my own choice, but I don't want any of you to go hunt them down. Not because I care for them, but because I want them to live forever knowing my pain. I want them to hurt like I hurt, for they did nothing, but aggravate my pain. They took the one thing that I loved above all else. No doubt you think that a leech like me can't love, but I did and she was taken away from me and that is something I will never forgive them for. Something I will never forgive you for, Jacob Black"

I saw the auburn wolf stiffen. That did not deter me and I continued, "I hate you more than I hate them. And I am glad to stand here and tell you that. I am proud to be able to tell you a truth that will break you and I hope to witness it. I am here to see you suffer and for that I would gladly give you my life." My face twisted in a bitter smile as my voice dripped with poison.

"I know that I am unnatural, that my kind should not exist. But I never wanted this life. It was chosen for me and I had to live wishing for my humanity and a family and a child that would grow in my womb and watch as they grew, while I grew older. But he took it from me. Carlisle Cullen took my life in an act of compassion" I let out a bitter laugh and spat " his compassion damned me. Twice he screwed me over. First, when he turned me so I could be Edward's mate. And he rejected me and thought that it was my vanity that made me loathe him. But he was wrong."

"I loathe him because he got their love; nothing he did was ever wrong. He was accepted and I was the outsider, who damned her existence. In the last moments of my human life, I wanted to die and be reborn and have a chance at another life. And fate was cruel, I lived with my memories as a vampire that watched time flow by."

"And then Esme joined us. She was our mother figure and I cared for her, for she was so different from my mother who saw me as nothing, but as ticket to high society. But, she loved Edward, supported him and scolded me when I pointed out how much of a fool he was. She disappointed me."

"But, then I found Emmett and I was happy." The wolves saw a small smile light her face. "He was being mauled by a bear when I found him and I resisted the blood lust and carried him for miles on my back, so I could have a mate. Someone to love me and to finally heal me, but he never could and often forgot me."

"Alice and Jasper came next. And their presence made me feel more like a stranger. They brought a new sense of happiness into the clan, but as time went by I felt hollow. I cared for Jasper and thought that with his past, he could help me find closure. I was wrong; he wanted to pretend that his past was not real. He chose to hide behind Alice's cheerful demeanor then to face the truth. And Alice, I hate her for never being a true sister to me."

"But, you are wondering why I tell you this. And the reason is that I want you see how broken I had become in the presence of the Cullens and how they never noticed; instead, they were too busy playing family, pretending that we were anything but monsters."

"I was broken and she fixed me. She helped me see beyond my pain. Thanks to her my bitterness gave away. I cared for her, I loved her and you helped to take her away." I screamed the last past at him.

"My Katherine is gone. And I blame you." Black stilled and I looked into those amber eyes as panic engulfed them.

I smiled cruelly at him as I continued to speak, " That name sounds familiar, does it not? That name makes your heart beat faster and is the reason for every breath you take." I tilted my head, "Well, it should have been your reason for living, it should have been the name for your true love. But you rejected that love to follow that whore, Isabella." I spat the name and he growled.

"Oh, don't like it when I insult her. Want to hurt me for demeaning her and yet you did nothing to love Katherine; in fact, you told her that you hated her." The wolf whimpered.

" I held her as she cried when you told her that; I was there as she tried to understand the reason behind your hatred of her. And I knew what she was to you then. I knew and yet never told her. She deserved better." His whimpers grew stronger and the rest of the pack growled at me.

"You never made an effort to know her. I know because I knew her. All you wanted was to erase her existence, so that you could still dream after a girl that never wanted you, that used you. First to find out who the Cullens were, so that she could get close to Edward. Then when she came into your life after he left, so you could heal her heart and finally to be her "best friend". You were her sun while you refused to be my Katherine's anything." I saw pain entered his eyes and a satisfied smile crossed my face.

"Remember, remember how you betrayed her?"

-Flashback-

He ignored the buzzing in his head and the ache in his limbs. Last night, he had gone on patrol even though it was Jared's turn.

But he needed to get his mind off the fucked up love triangle he found himself in. He could imagine Leah's snort of disbelief in his head and knew she would tell him how pathetic he was being, _"Really, Jacob? Love triangles are for those that are in love. Bella does not love you; she loves that leech, who loves in her return. You are the one that can't get it in his head that you are nothing, but the third wheel."_

He didn't need any reminders on how pitiful he was; after all he was doing a good job of reminding himself every morning. And those feelings increased when he saw his dream girl in the arms of another or when she referred to him as her "best friend", even though she knew that he loved her.

He tried to swallow his bitterness; he had changed this past few months. He was no longer the happy- go-lucky kid, but a gloomy and resentful teenager. Only in her presence was he able to be normal, to be the sixteen year old Jacob that was not a werewolf.

But, reality came knocking on his door and reminded him that he was a werewolf, the true Alpha of the pact, even if he had rejected the position.

He knew that he should move on and find someone else to love him, to care for him and not use him.

He knew that Bella used him in the past and that if she was the good, selfless person he imagined she was, she would let him go.

She would stop calling him and trying to meet him; she would let him move on and find happiness elsewhere, but she didn't. And he did nothing to stop her either.

God, he must be a masochist! Only that would explain why he continued to put himself through this torture!

But, in his defense he did try. He tried to date other girls, but they never could compare to Bella.

Their skin was either too dark or not pale enough.

Their hair should be longer, browner and more wavy.

He found numerous reasons to dump them; they were all flawed. Simply, they were not Isabella Swan.

And it hurt when she called and he had to tell her that he was on a date. He could hear the disappointment in her voice and he felt like he was cheating on her as crazy as that sounded.

He had canceled plans and dates in order to see her, regardless of the reason.

Ahh! This was so fucked up; he was sooo fucked up!

His self-hatred tirade was interrupted when he felt someone bump into him. He was ready to tear the fool apart and he had even begun to shake when he caught the blue eyes of the person that ran into him.

And then he felt it.

Everything that held him in place was gone: his loyalty to his family, to the pact and his love for Bella disappeared and only that blue gaze held him in place.

Those blue eyes were his reason for living, for breathing. His existence was defined by this blue-eyed angel.

Then she opened her mouth and was entranced by her pink lips, "I am sorry. I didn't mean to run into you." Her voice was so soft and she held herself tightly with hunched shoulders as if he was going to hurt her, but he would never hurt her; after all, he lov-.

And as that thought entered his mind, something inside him snapped.

Who did this girl think she was? What gave her the right to exist and destroy the world he had created for himself? Because of her, he was ready to betray Bella! He loved Bella, not this awkward girl!

He pushed her off and she landed on the floor; he ignored his wolf that growled at his treatment of its mate. "Watch, where the hell you are going, you bitch."

He turned and left on her on the floor and pretended that his heart didn't ache as he walked away from his imprint.

-End Flashback-

Jacob bowed his head and shame as his memories of that day passed through his mind. He felt the pact's antagonism towards him through their link. The most prominent were Seth's anger at his unfair treatment of his imprint, Sam's disappoint, Paul's disgust and Leah's smugness.

"_You deserve this Jacob Black. You deserve this pain and I am so glad that this leech…Rosalie is the one that is inflicting it on you,"_ Leah's voice rang in his head.

"_How much of an idiot are you? You rejected your imprint because of a leech lover that never wanted you and only used you! That bitch is willing give everything up to be a leech and you continued to pin after her like a bitch in heat even after finding your soul mate."_ Paul's voice was filled with revulsion when he saw his complete memory of meeting his imprint.

Until this day, he had kept it hidden too scared of facing the pact's reaction. But, Rosalie's words hit too close to home and he had let it slipped.

"_Remember, remember how you betrayed her?"_

How could I not? I betrayed my imprint, my soul mate and even that was not the worse I did to her.

My inner wolf screamed in torment.

I am sorry, so sorry, but I can make it better. I promise you, I'll make it better. Please, please stop!

I yelled as I looked up at Rosalie Cullen, but she did not look remorseful. No, her face was filled with sadistic pleasure. And I knew that she was not done and her words played in my head _"I hate you more than I hate them. And I am glad to stand here and tell you that. I am proud to be able to tell you a truth that will break you and I hope to witness it. I am here to see you suffer and for that I would gladly give you my life."_

And she would not stop until she got her wish.

I looked at him and saw the torment in his eyes and pleasure went through my body from seeing his pain.

But, it was too late for remorse. Katherine was gone, gone.

And he deserved this pain, he deserved to suffer. But, I was not done yet.

No, I had barely begun.

I smirked. "But, that is not the worse you have done is it? No, it is not." And I delighted in his pitiful whines.

"You never tried to know Katherine. If you did, you would have known how deserving she was of love. How she deserved to be pampered and treated like royalty. She was more worthy of happiness then Isabella Swan, who had never known true pain and abandonment. My Katherine was special. She was a true selfless, pure soul. But the Cullens disregarded that, he left her to fade away and you, you abandoned her." I yelled the last part.

"You abandoned her." I whispered and he howled.

-Flashback-

Katherine sat in the back of the cafeteria. She was invisible and that is how is preferred it. Although, La Push High School was a small school on the local Indian reservation, she still managed to remain anonymous. The only ones who acknowledged her existence were the teachers and even then she wondered if they knew that a Katherine Neil was in their class.

She took out of her favorite books, _Rebecca_, and sighed.

She felt for the main female character. And even though she had no name, she still sympathized with her. After all, it must be hard to have the man you love, in love with someone else while being nothing more than a mere replacement for her.

But even in the end, she got her happily ever after. In the end, he had loved her; he had always loved her even if he never told her so. And it would have been tragic if she had never known and had still believed herself to be a second place.

And in many ways, that was a true tragedy unlike Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_, who at least chose to die together.

God, she sound so depressed! And she wasn't… well at least she didn't think she was. She knew that her life was no fairy tale and that no knight in shining armor would come in and save her.

No one would save her. She was destined to be unwanted and unloved.

And she tried to keep her tears in check. She would not cry. She was done crying for a mother that never wanted her, for a woman that was disgusted when she looked at her.

For Katherine represented her greatest shame and she always wondered why she had given birth to her.

The school bell rang and the chairs in the lunchroom started to move and with a heavy sign she got up earlier than she normally would have and walked towards the exit.

She had not watched where she was going and had bumped into … a teacher? He didn't resemble any of the teachers, but he was too mature to be a mere student. He was tall, at least a good six feet and six inches and he was built with hard muscles.

Then, she remembered who it was, Jacob Black. One of the kids in the reservation, who supposedly was high in steroids and belonged to the local gang.

This was soo not her day; she already felt horrible. Her head and throat hurt and she knew her ribs were bruised from her mother's daily beatings.

She felt him shaking and she just knew that he wanted nothing more than to beat the shit out of her and she retreated inside her body and looked up at him.

His chocolate brown eyes looked at her with rage until they gave way to other emotions; he looked at her with a soft expression in his eyes.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to run into you", her voice was above a whisper and she waited for the blow that would surely come.

And it did when he threw her on the floor ."Watch, where the hell you are going, you bitch" were the last words he said to her before turning away.

Somehow, she got off the floor, but the urge to cry had increased. She didn't even know Jacob Black and yet his words had deeply affected her.

In fact, she rated it in the top verbal abuses she had ever gotten, all of which were curtsey of her mother and that was ridiculous! How could such a stranger affect her so much? And she knew the reason.

The expression in his eyes was so tender and she had always longed for someone to look at her with that expression.

But, no one did. She had to be delusional and desperate for love if she saw that particular expression on a stranger.

"_I hate you. I despise you. You should have never existed. And I will never love you. And it is because you are an abomination that no one else ever will."_

Her mother's voice repeated in her head before her hand descended on her face. She felt tears run down her face and she bowed her head. And she was glad that was invisible because that meant that no one would ever see her cry.

And yet, that also meant that no one hear her cries for help.

-End Flashback-

"Katherine was abused emotionally, mentally and physically by her mother. She never knew love. Even I don't know the full extent of her abuse. I didn't meet her until she came to the hospital." Her statement was meant with silence.

And all heads turned to look at Jacob. Seth had growled at him and had exposed his teeth. In fact, he looked ready to attack.

"_You bastard, you didn't deserve her."_ His voice was vicious and the pack felt shock at hearing that tone and those words come out his mouth.

But that shock didn't compare to what they felt when they hear his next statement,_ "I would have loved her. I would have saved her and protected her_."

Then images ran through their link. All were of Katherine laughing as her blue eyes sparkled, her face calm and serene while she planted flowers, or when she played with the local dogs.

But most prominent among them were Katherine as she petted Seth's coat and called him a huge puppy and adorable. Or when she tended to his wounds and fed him raw meat. In all the images, Katherine was gentle and kind and loving.

"_She should have been my mate, my imprint_."

Should have been. The words sent shock waves into his body and his wolf wanted to attack him, but Jacob restrained it. He knew that he had no right; he lost that when he committed such a grave sin against his mate.

-Flashback-

She woke up in the hospital after fainting at the local diner in Forks. She was disorientated and felt a wave of nausea hit her.

She groaned; she was so screwed if they saw the bruises on her body. She has taken some cold-relief medication and that should have taken care of her headache and sore throat. And although she was exhausted, it should have not landed her in the hospital. How was she going to pay for this?

Her paycheck this week was saved for groceries and some basic clothing as the clothes she had now were frayed at the sleeves, well-worn and had holes in them. It was not like was going on a shopping spree at the mall, she didn't have the funds for that; instead she went to a thrift store in Seattle.

As she laid in the bed lost in her thoughts, the doctor had come in. "Miss. Neil?" She jerked her head in his direction.

"Miss. Neil, you fainted at you part-time job due to exhaustion. While, in the hospital, a nurse had noticed the bruises on your chest. This lead to full body examination and x-rays that showed several untreated broken bones."

Her heart sank as she heard the words that came out of his mouth. And although she should have been mortified and embarrassed, a small voice in the back of her mind still complained about the cost of all those tests.

He looked at her over the top of his glasses and with a stern voice said, "We also discovered a long history of malnourishment. And I'll tell you now that is no use lying and telling me that you were or are not currently being abused." Katherine swallowed loudly and gripped the white sheets of the bed.

His gaze softened, "I had to call the authorities and file a police report. You have been under heavy pain medication to heal your broken ribs and collarbone. It has been three days and I am sorry to tell you that your mother fled the authorities when they tried to arrest her for abuse and neglect."

Her face paled and she tried to stop herself from crying. Her mother had finally abandoned her. She had left her and although she had never been a true mother to her, she still had some childish hope within her that may be one day her mother would love her.

But that hope was destroyed when she had left her here without any hope of paying these medical bills.

She opened her mouth, but the doctor cut her off, "We also did more test and scans on you and discovered malignant bone tumors. In other words, you have cancer that has been left untreated for about three years and your chances for a cure have drastically decreased."

Her mouth close with a snap as those words repeated themselves in her head. Cancer. She had cancer and it was left untreated. He made sound like she was dying.

And denial started to make itself known. She had been fine and healthy; well, she was if you excluded the fact that she was beaten on a daily basis and had to skip meals due to the lack of food until she gotten her job at the diner that came with extra free meals. But, besides that she was strong.

But, that denial had given way to acceptance. She had imagined that being told you had cancer would be like it was portrayed in the movies. There would be tears and screams of denial. But she felt nothing, but the cold acceptance of her fate.

The doctor had been worried at the prolong silence in the room. He looked at his patient. And saw fear reflected on her face when he had informed her that the test performed on her had shown long-term abuse.

But when she had been told that she had cancer, her face had closed off and she had looked at him with acceptance.

Her blue eyes were cold and detached to the reality around her. But it not the type of acceptance that showed determination to fight and win; it was resignation of her fate. And someone so young should not have that expression on their face. They should not know it. This girl had her life ahead of her and she deserved better. She deserved a second chance at life, which so far has been unkind to her. It was then that he promised himself that he would do anything in his power to make it happen.

Her clear, soft voice cut through his thoughts. "I can't afford treatment. In fact, I'll have a hard time being able to pay for the tests, scans and treatment of my current injuries."

The doctor's gaze was determined, "that won't be a problem. I'll do anything I can to make sure you have access to Medicaid. Your current situation with her mother will help you get aid for your treatment."

She looked at him. Although, she felt some relief that she would not die due to her lack of funds, she had to ask. "Even with treatment, what are my chances at beating this?"

His voice weaved a bit in his response." You have Ewing's sarcoma and although it is usually curable with traditional treatment, such a chemotherapy. Your cancer is located in your lymph nodes and because it had been untreated for so long, it has spread and is now making it way in your central nervous system. I'll be honest, areas where the cancer has affected you has a survival rate of 10%, although some would say it is as high as 20-25%. But, in your case, it would be around 5%."

His diagnosis sounded like a death sentence; in fact, when he has said those words, she felt like a large gable had been slammed on her life.

She swallowed again and leaned back on the pillows. Her chance at living was 5%. She was dying and she knew what she would do, but before she came to a decision, she had to know.

"How long do I have without treatment?" Her voice didn't betray her inner turmoil.

The doctor's gave softened and he closed his eyes briefly, trying to ignore the realization of what would happen after he told her the truth. "At most three months, but on average about two."

Katherine nodded her head in acceptance.

Two months. Two months.

She closed her eyes to stop the dam of tears. But, she opened them. She could do this, she thought with determination.

All her life she had gone with the flow and was resigned to her fate. If her mother hit her, she let it happened and never moved to defend herself. When she had screamed at her how unworthy she was she has accepted it as truth and never tried to feel pride in her accomplishments at being at the top of her class.

She was done at just letting life push her down and kicking her when she tried to stand up. She was done with it all. Her mother had already taken a lot of her life. Her childhood was tainted by abuse and her current teenage years were spent with her head bowed down and being invisible.

She would change.

She sat up and looked at the doctor in the eye. "I refuse treatment."

When he tried to persuade her, she shook her head and simply said, "All my life my mother dictated what I could and could not do. And she is gone, she abandoned me. I have a survival rate of 5%. I won't take the money that can be used for someone else that has a higher chance of living then I do. I'll do what my mother prevented me from doing: living. I will live my life to the fullest for the next two months and then I'll die with a smile on my lips and a happy heart no longer burden by suffering."

She closed her eyes and softly said, "I appreciate for you are trying to do, but I will live the two months for myself. I will live to the fullest."

Her blue eyes pieced him and he accepted her decisions with a sigh, "Very well, Miss. Neil, but I would ask you to reconsider. I am Dr. Hammond, and if you ever change your mind, please contact me." She gave him a small smile before he turned to leave.

Once she was left alone. A lone tear run down her face and she didn't bother wiping off.

-End Flashback-

Rosalie closed her eyes and she laughed out loud.

Her laugh was so sudden that it startled the pact. And when she opened her eyes, they were a warm amber and had a certain softness that they never thought possible.

They never imagined that a "filthy leech" could wear such an expression; in their minds, all vampires were monsters that preyed on the innocent and the Cullens were no exception.

In the pack's point of view, they were all in denial of their true nature and sooner or later, they would slip and the pact would be there to tear them to pieces when it happened.

When they had smelled the sickly sweet scent of a vampire on their land, they had transformed and ran to the beach. And when they saw that is was a Cullen, the pact members could not hide their glee that they would finally eliminate the Cullen clan for good.

To a certain extent, Jacob had been happy. The Cullen leech had broken the treaty and with this breach, he could finally get rid of Edward.

And with him out of the way, he could be with Bella. When those thoughts entered his mind, Seth had been disgusted with him and Leah had snorted in disbelief at his sheer stupidity.

Thanks to Seth's revelation, he now knew why he had been so hostile and rude to him when before he had seen him as an older brother. And in the back of his mind, he knew that Seth would have made his imprint happier. He would have loved her like she deserved to be loved.

But, his childish hope of finally having Bella had been destroyed by Rosalie's wish to die.

"_I want to die."_

Her statement had been met with shock, even Paul who was ready to kill vampires first and ask questions later was taken aback by her bold declaration.

Sam had quickly analyzed the situation. Even if a Cullen had breached the treaty La Push, her request could have been seen by the rest of the Cullen clan as higher offense and declare war on the pack.

And when she had stated her hatred of the Cullens, they all had been too fascinated to attack. But when she had proclaimed her hatred of Jacob and had blamed him for her suffering, they were blown away. Seth had not been, he felt elated that someone had finally put him in his place.

"_My Katherine is gone. And I blame you."_

His wolf started to panic. Gone. Gone.

What did she mean?

Her voice drew him back to the beach. "I met Katherine in the same way you did. I bumped into her at Forks Hospital. I had been angry at Edward and his drama and just needed to get away when I saw her. I snapped at her. Others would have accepted my abuse, but she didn't she put me in my place. And I had never been happier."

-Flashback-

She was frustrated and wanted to scream at everyone's idiocy. She knew that she would reach her breaking point soon. She had had enough with Edward and his human.

He was endangering them all with her presence. She was so breakable that they all had to act gentle around her like if she were a fine piece of china. Were they all blind?

She was nothing, but an ordinary human. She was average in her looks and if it were not for her appealing scent and blocked mind, Edward would have never looked twice at her.

When Jasper had attacked her, she felt that they had finally understood the dangers of having a human near them, especially one that was a singer. Why didn't Edward just suck her dry and move on? Or simply stayed away in Alaska?

Although, she had a tough and cold exterior she had a sharp intuition and knew that the only reason Edward stayed with Bella was because he felt like he either had to kill her or be with her.

And that annoyed her. Edward was a hundred year old vampire, how intriguing was a seventeen year teenage girl that never knew pain beyond a scarped knee?

But most of all, she was a human girl obsessed with Edward's image of a mysterious and handsome guy. Her fists balled up and she wanted to punch something.

And then, Edward went off to Italy and tried to die!

He went without caring what his death would mean to Esme and Carlisle.

Because he was their favorite. He was the glue that held them together and she was the nobody: the one with the attitude problem and an all around bitch.

But she had a right to act like she did; her last moment of human life entitled her to it. But, that never mattered; she didn't matter.

They thought that with time her wounds would fade away. And they never noticed her pain; that that type of pain just never went away. It marked you and they never understood, not even Emmett.

Or Jasper. You would have thought that with his empathy he would have felt how hollow she had become, but he never did.

Or maybe he never cared or thought that she was being dramatic.

And that was one of the main reasons on why she kept her last name as Hale as she never felt like a Cullen. She had never belonged in their picture perfect family.

Her thoughts swirled around in her head in circles and only increased her fury when she bumped into a human girl.

"Are you blind? Can't you see where the hell you are going? She yelled at the girl that had landed on the floor.

Other humans would have been entranced with her beauty and would have accepted the abuse while apologizing profusely. But what she didn't expect was her eyes to fill with fury.

"Me! May be the hair dye that you use to bleach your hair has finally destroyed the few brain cells that you possessed." The words had left her mouth and then she blushed.

She closed her eyes, "I am sorry. I just had a horrible day, not like you would care, but it is not right for me to take it out on you."

Her gaze had been filled with such sincerity that she had accepted that apology with a nod of her head.

She had never done something like that before; she usually ignored such pleas and moved on with her unnatural life, but there was something in her eyes that caught her attention and made her pause. Her intuition screamed at her to take a second glance at this girl.

And she did.

-End Flashback-

"I cared for her and learned to love her. How could you not love Katherine when you finally got the chance to know her?" Her gaze was warm until it harden when she looked at Jacob.

"She had a hard life and you did nothing, but continue to abuse her. And for what? But, don't answer that yet, wait until the end and see if Isabella Swan was worth it."

-Flashback-

The melody of the song filtered into their booth at the restaurant and Katherine sang to it; and she almost laughed at the irony of the lyrics:

He said I was in my early forties  
with a lot of life before me  
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime  
and I spent most of the next days  
looking at the x-rays  
Talking bout the options  
and talking bout sweet time  
I asked him when it sank in  
that this might really be the real end  
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news  
man what'd you do

and he said  
I went sky diving  
I went Rocky Mountain climbing  
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu  
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter  
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying  
and he said someday I hope you get the chance  
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband  
that most the time I wasn't  
and I became a friend a friend would like to have  
and all the sudden going fishin  
wasn't such an imposition  
and I went three times that year I lost my dad  
well I finally read the good book  
and I took a good long hard look  
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then  
I went sky diving  
I went Rocky Mountain climbing  
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu  
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter  
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying  
and he said someday I hope you get the chance  
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about  
what'd you do with it what did you do with it  
what did I do with it  
what would I do with it'

Her voice trailed off and she tried to hold her tears in before they spilled over on her cheeks.

"You have such a sweet voice." Rosalie's voice made her turn her head to look at her. And she smiled.

After that faithful day at the hospital, they had become friends. And even that was not an accurate description of what she felt for the beautiful woman before her. Even though she never had had friends, she knew that Rosalie was different.

Unknowingly, her tears ran down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" Rosalie asked with worry evident in her voice.

"I care for you Rosalie. I never had a friend before and I want to tell you that I'll always remember you and that I am glad that I got the chance to meet you." More tears followed her statement.

Over the past two weeks, she had been feeling sicker with a constant cold and she felt an ache in her bones. She knew that her cancer was the cause and although Dr. Hammond was sincere in his offer to help her, she knew that she would never go back to the hospital to get treatment.

Rosalie was warmed by her declaration. As far as she was concerned Katherine was her true sister and not Alice. But something in her words and tone was off. And when she questioned her, she had learned the truth.

"I have bone cancer and because it went untreated for three years it has spread to my central nervous system; I have a 5% survival rate, meaning that I have two-three months to live."

The shock of that statement made Rosalie dead heart to sink. Her Katherine was dying. And that dread must have shown on her face, but Katherine had misinterpret her facial expression and had thought that like her mother, she would also abandon her.

But, she didn't. She stayed. And that conservation had morphed into a closer bond. It was like a floodgate had opened revealing their disappointment with their families and their lives.

That night all of their masks and walls were taken down and they cried, hugged and laughed their sorrow away.

-End Flashback-

"She listened to me and held me as I told her about my human life, although she did not know I was vampire. In her eyes, I was normal and when I told her about my rape, she didn't look at me with sympathy, but with deep understanding." Her admission was met with silence and she looked at them and gave them a sad smile.

"Vampires were human too. In my last moments of life, I was raped several times by my fiancée and his friends. They left me to die when Carlisle Cullen found me and turned me into the creature I am today. And she helped me through it. She told me that I had the right to be angry and pissed at the world. She made me see that I should not be ashamed."

"My life was brutally taken from me and in my last moments I wanted to die and be reborn and given a second chance to have a loving husband and children. I dreamed in my last breathes of growing old on a rocking chair as I watched my grandchildren play." Her voice was filled with so much emotion and the wolves knew that if she could she would be crying.

"And he took it away. He broke my dream." She spat angrily.

"Most vampires don't remember their human lives, but I remembered mine. I remembered every detail with perfect clarity." Her smile was bitter when she said the last statement.

"But, the Cullens never asked. They just assumed that I was just like them. They never gave me the chance to scream at the injustice of my life. Carlisle let me take revenge on the cowards that had hurt me, but in his medical wisdom he thought that it was enough. But it wasn't!"

Her voice was loud and clear. And angry. " But, Katherine let me scream, she let me rage and damn the world twice over. She let me throw things around and destroy the room we were in. She healed me."

Then she laughed, "That was how she discovered I was a vampire and she was not disgusted by me. She accepted me and in that moment my heart had felt lighter and I knew that I loved her, not like a sister, but like a daughter. She was perfect. She was the way I imagined my child should have been."

"I loved her." Her rage had disappeared and all that was a deep sadness that was quickly transformed into hate. She sought Jacob out and snarled at him.

The wolves were too surprised by her rapid change of emotions to response back.

"That is why I hate Isabella Swan because she is so willing to give everything up to be immortal! She has a loving family, but doesn't have the decency call them Mom and Dad, but Renee and Charlie. She has a future. She has the chance to be a mother and yet she is scared of growing old. Did you know that? That is why she is always nagging Edward about turning her. But, Edward has denied her, which is the only good thing he has ever done." She snorted.

"You are such a bastard, Jacob Black." Her tone was detached as if she were merely stating a fact. " You threw in her face the same words her mother used to abuse her with." She smiled as he howled in agony.

-Flashback-

When the pack had found out that he had found his imprint, they were happy that he would finally get over Bella.

They had never liked her even when the Cullens had left. In their minds, they were replacements. And their dislike grew when she left them without looking back when the Cullens came back.

Emily had been extremely happy and had whipped up a feast. But when they had found out that he was willingly ignoring his mate and still going after Bella, hell had broken loose.

And that had been an understatement. Paul and Seth had both changed and attacked him. And Sam had to hold Leah back before she did as well. Emily had been so disappointed in him that she had kicked him out and asked him not to return until she stopped being angry with him.

And he knew it was irrational, but he blamed his imp-… _that_ girl. For she was not his imprint. And although Bella wasn't either, his life had been so simple before he met her.

In the back of his mind, may be his subconscious, he knew that he was being a fool. That he should just accept the bond and be happy. He knew that he was not happy being the "best friend" and rebound of Bella, but his stubborn nature kept him back.

His inner wolf raged at his decision and tormented him with thoughts of his imprint. Of her beautiful blue eyes and how they captivated you. He thought about her black silky hair and her creamy complexion. He wanted to hear her soft voice and see her smile at him.

Was she fine? Was she sick? He tried not to care for her, but it was impossible! He went to school and searched for her and never found her and when he suppressed his wolf, he felt smug that he would not be tailing her like a love-sick puppy.

He had been fine pretending that he was happy without his imprint and still saw Bella. Two months had passed when he was invited by Jared to Emily's for a get together. He had thought that she had finally gotten over her anger at him until he came through the door and saw his …_her_.

His wolf had been happy as it had missed its mate and although she looked pale and thin, she was the most beautiful person in the room.

The room was filled with laughter and the atmosphere had been warm and inviting. She had fit right in and his wolf had been happy, after all that was her rightful place. She belonged there surrounded his pack mates. And it was such a stark contrast to Bella, who when she was among the pack, the atmosphere was not warm, but tense and she had been oblivious to it.

And when saw her smile Jacob got angry and started to shake.

Could they not respect his decisions? He did not want her and before he knew it, he opened his mouth and said, " Why the hell are you here? I don't want you here, in fact, I desist you. I hate you. You should not exist and I have no idea why fate thought that I would ever love you."

His statement had been met with silence. And Emily had turned to look at him with fury in her eyes, but he ignored it and focused on her.

Her smile had melted long ago and she stared at him with shock. Pain had flashed in her expressive eyes until he saw nothing, but hate reflected back at him. He promptly ignored the hurt he felt when he saw it.

She turned to Emily, "Thank-you for inviting me, Emily, it was great getting to know everyone."

Her voice was soft and warm until she addressed him, "You are the type of person I hate the most. I don't need your love and if you were ever to offer it to me, I would spit at it. I will never forgive you for this moment Jacob Black. Never. And the feeling is mutual, I hate you as well." Her voice was cold and she turned and left the house with her head held up high and her shoulder straight.

Her words repeated themselves in his head and his wolf screamed in torment at its mate's rejection. He felt self-hatred ran through him until a slap across the face brought him back to reality.

He looked down and saw Emily's eyes fill with such fury, it looked unnatural on her usually friendly.

And then she slapped him again and left the room.

-End Flashback-

Rosalie looked at Jacob and knew that based on the anguish expression on his face that he remembered the last words he had ever said to Katherine.

Although, she could not convince Katherine to get treatment, she did succeed in making the last months of her life memorable.

Katherine had withdrawn from school, after all there had been nothing and no one that she would miss or that would miss her, while she had separated herself from the rest of the Cullens and had left a note telling them that she _might_ return and to not look for her.

And true to the song that had played when she first heard Katherine sing, they went skydiving, mountain climbing, they went to a beach in France and she had shown her how she looked like in the sun. They took several pictures, as Katherine wanted her to have tangible memories of their adventures.

For the first time in her life, she had felt free and with each passing moment, Katherine had become more dear to her than anyone else in existence.

Her heart belonged to this beautiful soul with sparkling blue eyes. Every laugh soothed her heart and every smiled warmed her soul. Without her, how could she ever function?

And she promised herself that she would convince her to get treatment seeing as the cancer was starting to wear her down. With each passing day, she ate less and became thinner and paler.

And though she might resent Carlisle, she would beg him if she had to so that he could take a look into Katherine's case and save her. After all, he was supposed to be the best doctor in the world and was renowned for his compassion in the vampire realm and he could not fail her.

Yes, his compassion had damned her, but it could not fail her a second time. It just couldn't.

They had returned back to Forks because although this place held horrible memories for them both, it was the place that had brought them together. In Katherine's words it had _"a special magic". _

Forks was the first place that they found happiness and closure. It was the place that had helped healed them. And Katherine had wanted to die here.

Because of the treaty she could not accompany Katherine into La Push, but she had wanted to go and see the house that she had shared with her mother for once last time and find her own sense of closure.

When she had left, she felt dread. Was she okay? Was she in danger? Those two hours had passed so slowly, she wanted to tear her hair out in frustration. And when she finally came back, her heart sank when she saw the tears in those blue eyes.

She quickly embraced her and listened to her as she recounted her encounter with the pack and the hurtful words Jacob Black had spoken to her. Sobs shook her thin body as she told her how similar they were to her mother's. And she had nuzzled and cuddled her Katherine until she went to sleep.

That fool! It could not be… he had imprinted on her sweet Katherine and yet he rejected her and followed Swan like a bitch in heat! And she knew that the hatred she had held for her attackers was a fraction of what she now felt for Jacob Black.

She stared at him and her words and surprised them all. "The reason Katherine could understand me was because her mother had been raped. And Katherine was the product of that rape. And she was hated because she was an abomination in the eyes of her mother. She was the child of a rapist who looked like him. She was the complete opposite of her mother, who had brown hair, olive skin and dark eyes. And her mother severely abused her because of it."

"All her life she had wanted to be loved, but she had never found it. She never thought that she would find her knight in shining armor or as she affectionately called him "_her loser wrapped in aluminum tin foil", _you were it and you proclaimed to hate her and continued to follow a whore." Her voice had been tender when she mentioned Katherine and she had a soft smile on her lips until she mentioned him and her voice got a hard edge to it.

"I knew what you were to her. She was your soul mate and you were hers as well. But, I never told her. She deserved better, she deserved love and you would have never given that to her. If she had found out that she was your imprint, she would have rejected you because she would feel that you were being forced to love her due to a bond, when in reality you loved someone else. She would have never settled for being someone else's replacement. She didn't deserve that hurt."

-Flashback-

After begging her and pleading with her, Rosalie was finally able to convince her to get a second opinion and _possibly_, the word emphasized by Katherine, get treatment. Dr. Hammond had been relieved when he had been informed that the Dr. Cullen would consult with her; he had been hopeful that a cure could be possible.

Rosalie had called several times at the Cullen residence and had left numerous messages on the house phone and on his cell phone.

She was worried over Katherine as she had been weaker than normal and paler. She had a slight fever and a severe cough that racked her whole body and made her appear more frail than she actually was.

She tended to her and had wanted to leave to find Carlisle and drag his sorry ass into the hospital, but Katherine had made her promised that she would stay, regardless of what would happen. She didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be with Rosalie.

When she had asked why, she had told her that if she were to die then the last thing she wanted to see was her Rosie.

That had made her want to cry, but she held back. She had to be strong and stay positive for her Katie.

So, she passed the time and distracted her from the ache in her bones by telling her of her life as a vampire and of all things she had seen. She told of her travels and how when she got better, they would travel there together. And that on those travels, she would met her "loser in aluminum foil" and her Rosie would plan her wedding. Then, she proceeded on telling her about the numerous weddings she had had in her life and how she would be the maid of honor in her next wedding.

Her Katherine had smiled and giggled and had blushed when she was given the sex talk; after all, how would she get her godchildren, Rosalie teased. This patterned continued for hours until she fell asleep. And although, she had promised to stay, she wanted to find Carlisle.

He could not fail me twice. He can't. She chanted that mantra in her head and stayed with Katherine, whose heart beat slowed as time went. She held back the sobs that wanted to escape her. But, she smiled when Katherine opened her eyes and in whisper said, "Rosie, when is Carlisle coming? I am so tired and in pain."

Never had she wanted to scream as she did then. Her mantra continued in her head, but she knew that the Carlisle Cullen, the most compassionate vampire in the world was not coming.

Her Katherine had been disappointed so much in her life and she knew that she could not hurt her and destroy the last hope that she had. Because when she said heard her stories, her eyes had filled with determination and the will to live. So, Rosalie smiled and lied. "He called me five minutes ago and told me that he is on his way. So, why don't you go to sleep Katie."

Her Katie nodded her head in acceptance. "Can you come into my bed and hold me?"

And she did and she hugged those frail arms and bathed in her warmth and in her scent. "I love you Rosie. You are like the mother I never had."

Rosalie felt tears in her eyes. "I love you too, Katie. I love you, my daughter." And she smiled that brilliant smile and her blue eyes sparkled and she finally closed her beautiful eyes.

And Rosalie held her and didn't let her go even as her body grew cold and her heart stopped beating. And she continued to wait for Carlisle, but he never came.

-End Flashback-

Dry sobs shook the frame of one Rosalie Cullen as she stood on the beach when she finished her tale. And she screamed.

"Twice that man failed me! Twice! It is because of him that she is gone! I hate him! I HATE CARLISLE AND ALL OF THE CULLENS! I HATE ISABELLA SWAN AND JACOB BLACK! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU!

Never before had the wolves of La Push seen such torment and several of them were crying. And Jacob Black stood shocked and in disbelief until the truth finally sank in and he howled in pain.

His form twisted in the ground and his pain, his agony was felt by the pack. It was unbearable and no words could describe the anguish that was felt.

His heart broke. His imprint was gone, gone! And all he could think about was the last words that he ever spoke to her:_ " Why the hell are you here? I don't want you here, in fact, I desist you. I hate you. You should not exist and I have no idea why fate thought that I would ever love you." _

And his wolf shrieked in sheer pain as he replayed his imprints last words in his head_. "You are the type of person I hate the most. I don't need your love and if you were ever to offer it to me, I would spit at it. I will never forgive you this moment Jacob Black. Never. And the feeling is mutual, I hate you as well."_

"She is dead. Are you happy Jacob Black? So answer my question was Isabella Swan worth it?"

Her voice was cold and he couldn't take anymore and fled.

She watched him flee and she didn't feel the pleasure she imagined she would feel when she saw his pain.

Instead, she felt weary and tired. All she wanted was for this to end. For her life to end so that she could be with her daughter, her Katherine.

She hugged the box closer to her chest. "My second dying request is to have my ashes buried with my Katherine. And to never let Jacob Black, Isabella Swan and any if the Cullens approach our burial ground. And my final request is to have one of the pack members visit them and tell them what I told you. I left a final message on their house phone. It included more explicit commentary on what I felt when I lived with them. But, if they don't get it or erase it, then tell then they will have to live the rest of eternity without knowing."

"But give them this final message: I hate all of you. I hate you, Carlisle for worrying more about that bitch even after I begged you to see the person I loved most.

I hate you Esme for never giving me the time and love you gave the rest of the clan. Remember how I told you to come with and see my Katherine, but you always waved me off .

I hate you, Alice for picking Isabella Swan over me and know that I never considered you a sister; and Jasper, may you one day be strong enough to face your demons and I know that you felt my despair and my pain, but you always ignored it and for that I will always hate you.

And Edward and Isabella, my hate for you knows no bounds. I curse you both to never find happiness with each other or with anyone else. May my memory always be a shadow in your lives.

And finally, Emmett, I cared for you, but you abandoned me in the end and for that you will never gain forgiveness from me. And to all of you, may the Gods forgive you, for I never will and know that I damned you all in my last breathe."

She was detached as she told them her final request. Her eyes were empty and her heart was hollow.

And then Sam, as the Alpha bowed his head and granted her requests.

And Rosalie Hale had smiled and her eyes became alive once more. She had finally found peace.

* * *

A/N: Even though I have three stories that I need to finish and two more that have yet to be uploaded, I really don't have time to write another one. But if I have a certain idea in my head, then I can't focus on my other stories until I write it down.

This is the longest story I have typed completely and it is the only story overall that has been finished. What Hurts the Most is 29 pages! Can you believe that?

Reading the Twilight books and fanfiction, I have never liked Rosalie. She had such an attitude problem until I realized that she had the right to be a bitch. Her past is horrible and is it the memory that is more vivid in her mind. And I wanted to portray a Rosalie who is a kind person underneath that cold exterior. And I continue this characterization in my other story, Rebecca.

As for the Cullens, they have always been the happy and perfect family and I wanted to add another dimension to their family relationship. Although, I did bash their characters. As for Bella, I just hate her, so I love to bash her.

Enough about my tangent, but please read Smeared Across Sunday because as I was writing this I thought about this story and how they share similar themes. And it is underappreciated as well and deserves much more recognition then it gets. And, please remember to review!

P.S. I went to Wikipedia to get my information on bone cancer, so I have no idea if the information is accurate or not.


End file.
